Today (9 June 2011) Josef is eating lots of fruit – and I mean lots of fruit. He has so many irritating habits, like peeling fruit with his teeth then getting into such a mess that he wipes his paws under his greasy armpits. I’m convinced his mother mated with a jackal to spawn him. I also noticed today for the first time the sprouting of a black lump on the side of his neck, perhaps the onset of the Bubonic Plague, but that could be just wishful thinking. And then there’s his breathing, that’s another bad habit, the way he breathes – he raises his arse off his seat every time he breathes out – can you imagine that?
Oh and let’s not forget when he just turned up at my work yesterday – Yes I’m being totally serious. Got to work a bit late and needed to cut across the car park at the front of the building. Noticed that there was this pickup truck parked by the side window with assorted junk and stuffed bags with god knows what else. Reminded me a bit of the opening scene from The Beverly Hillbillies. There was also some scrawny, skinny bastard sitting in the passenger’s seat – he looked vaguely familiar – he didn’t register at first. He actually spoke to my boss – and when I found out he was looking for permanent accommodation I screamed out: “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” It appears he turned up with some crackpot Evangelist pleading Josef’s state of desperation – I said if he gets even a whiff of housing with our project then I will be off! I think Josef’s getting to me – everyone in the office showed concern; they sat me down, made me some tea and even offered me some cake.
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