Eating Bananas Like A Romanian

I’m a roll today (27 May), final stretch as they say and I’m determined to knock out another chapter. I’m prepared as well: laptop fully charged, orange fruit shoot to hand, notepad, pen, brain and AC/DC blasting out “Hells Bells” through the Iphone and there’s only one thing that can go wrong – the toothless slut from Romania (not Belarus as I had once thought) appearing and sitting opposite me, his plan of action today, was, well, quite simply to piss me off.

First, he gives everyone on the bench the distinct impression we are friends. Then he leans over and offers to wipe my laptop screen, I feel like an abused child when he does this and he has offered this service before on countless occasions and I have refused every single time, he doesn’t get the hint! His level of generosity scaled new heights today because he offered to install Vista (free of charge) on to my laptop, I could only nod my head very silently from side to side as I wearily plugged in my earphones as deep as they could go. My plan now was to avoid eye contact for the next three and a half hours.

This could not happen!

He obviously knows that everything he does pisses me off immensely. He has now decided to experiment with banana. I suppose what’s really annoying is the way he shoves the banana into his gob. It’s not just the eating of the fruit; it’s the whole build up, the whole preparation. Even now as I peep over my laptop screen he’s sitting there sucking on his sticky fingers, I’m sure by the way, he’s lost at least one more tooth since I last saw him, extra-terrestrial gum disease for certain.
Oh Jesus he’s taking his clothes off now! I can’t cope anymore and there’s nowhere else to sit. He quickly covers up by draping his torso with some kind of cape thing, or gown or maybe even some floral African smoking jacket. Anyway he has just eaten another banana. Ok I’m calming down a bit now and rocking to “Shoot to Thrill.”

2 hours later............

The creativity, the spark I had earlier has gone.......... and it’s all because I’m sitting opposite a banana –abusing fruitcake from Romania. He’s now eaten at least 8 (eight) medium-sized, fairly ripe bananas. Can you actually overdose from eating too many bananas? I’ll have to do some research later. No, make that 9 (nine) bananas, for those that are actually interested in the actual process, well once the fruit has been peeled, this is done quite skilfully I must add (he uses both lips and thumb and forefinger to undress the fruit), the whole banana is inserted into his mouth, and I kid you not when I say the actual chewing process doesn’t even start until the whole fruit has disappeared from sight!

10 (Ten) bananas

2 further hours later.............

Left the library in the safe knowledge that the freak from Romania had just started a new backgammon game, and he never willingly aborts a game. I cursed my luck because apart from raging with frustration I had achieved little else today.