Sitting back comfortably I had earlier looked around the library thinking that, even with Josef playing backgammon with some random inmate from a Romanian labour camp, the atmosphere seemed calm and serene. There was a healthy blend of Ebaying, Facebooking and some good old-fashioned studying. Then Josef spoilt it all. From his holdall, which doubled up for a Tardis, he pulled out a popcorn bucket and proceeded to pour popcorn kernels into his Romanian gob. I was mildly surprised his infected gums and missing molars could cope with the incessant crunching. A Portuguese student sent me an alarming glare, but then had the good sense to wrap her headphones hurriedly around her face. The rattling in the bucket continued. At one stage the bucket had completely enveloped his head in his desperate search for the final few kernels. I know that he is skint, and there is no way he would pay to see a movie at Empire Cinemas, let alone purchase overpriced popcorn, how do I know? Well trust me, I know. I imagined that Josef, scavenging for food the previous night, found the bucket secreted beneath an assortment of shit in a bin outside the cinema. If only I could bundle Josef into a microwave oven, set to maximum nuclear blast and then watch, entirely satisfied, as those kernels started to blast out of his gob and arsehole!
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