The noise in the library this morning (1 July 2011) had reached gargantuan proportions. A deaf 102 year old had decided to surf the net for the first time then requested assistance from an annoying Welsh library assistant. To make matters worse some moron began calling out lottery numbers to a friend living in the Outer Hebrides. Oh, and quite incredibly an Eastern European beggar walked onto the podium and asked several shocked people for money. Why was all this happening today?
This was soon followed by hysterical laughter breaking out from the Crime Thriller section and finally a swivel chair fetishist bounced onto the podium and quickly landed on the noisiest swivel chair ever. The noisy bastard just couldn’t get comfortable – up and down he jumped but still no joy then he span the chair several times, the screeching got worse but still the bastard couldn’t get comfortable. I have to accept that some people are genetically defective and that accounts for morons like this guy who later started sucking his forefinger whilst exaggerating his breathing. If I had started to blast out Pantera from my Iphone for certain I would have been assaulted by a platoon of library assistants and asked to zip it. It’s a strange world but nevertheless Swivel Chair Man needs to be gassed.
Unable to do any meaningful work I lost patience, packed up my rucksack and headed for the exit only to catch sight of a woman in a red coat laughing manically at the sight of a paper jam in the photocopier, obviously the most hilarious incident ever to have occurred in this poor woman’s life.
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